Saturday, January 13, 2007

Yio Hup Seng Changes Manager

Lim Bo Lui, chairman of Yio Hup Seng, has put pen to paper this evening in a deal worth more than 600 zillion. The deal will transfer 50.00000000000001% of Yio Hup Seng's shares to a 60-year-old Zillionaire from India, making the latter the new chairman of Yio Hup Seng.

Lim made his decision 3 months ago, when his sister cum shareholder, Ms Lim Bo Chup, apparently did not want to care about the company. Lim Bo Lui himself, just as apparently, had no money to maintain the upkeep of the company, therefore giving up the top seat of the company.

Yuandebunengna, new owner of Yio Hup Seng, has announced new plans for Yio Hup Seng.

'In memories of founder of Yio Hup Seng - Lim Bo Seng, as well as to carry on the tradition of the 'Seng' word, I've decided to change my name to Babu Seng,' said the new chairman.

'Yio's new logo will also have a new look,' he added.

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Yuandebunengna was the reason why Yio's had been so successful. Because of him unable to pick up a canned drink which is round, he proposed rectangular carton drinks. Since then Yio's became famous due tp the success of this handy design.

The new changes will take phase this year February 31st.

Rain, Rain Come Again

When even the Singapoor's Navy starts water-ration exercise, it's becoming clear that the world's water resources are depleting soon enough.

The 10-day long water rationing exercise started on a Tuesday afternoon, after a long meeting held by the Chief of Navy, Poo Bor Kia.

NSFs had a long water parade where they were made to drink 30 litres of water. Of the 600 NSFs, 599 collasped due to stomach explosion and were admitted to ICU in Changee Hospital. 598 passed away on Wednesday.

'These sacrifices were absolutely necessary,' said the Chief of Singapoor Navy.

'We simply have no need for people who only do Sai Kang (insignificant jobs) and cannot stand tough training.'

According to Tang Kees, people in Silly Lanka have been praying to The Almighty One so that another Tsumimi will not occur. Instead of solving the problem, the Indian Ocean became dry overnight and the ships cannot operate.

'We're trying to empty all the mineral water into the sea and put in some salt to make the water tastier,' says Silly Lanka PM.

'Hopefully it works. Millions of fishes are reporting sick and we don't have so many hospitals for them.'

Editor Reveals Truth Behind Green Light

WARNING: SUPER EXPLICIT CONTENT INSIDE (R99)

Sightings of the mysterious green light in Singapoor few days ago are confirmed, however whatever it is, no one really knows.

Except the Editor.

'It is actually a huge orgasm from outer space,' says the Editor

He explained that the 'sperms from outer space' is light green in colour and has a reflective surface. These two elements caused what Singapoorians saw on that faithful day.

According to the Editor expertise, the sperms have life on their own and they can move about at 122km/h max. Therefore there is a 99.99% that these sperms have escaped to their favourite hideouts. Here are some characteristics of their posdible hideout,

1. No man allowed. They will die in the presence of man.

2. Loves to linger around white cold spots. Near water especially.

3. Likes to enter holes, especially damp, dark, ones

However the exact location has not been confirmed. Therefore the Editor would like to advise all to take care of themselves and not get fertilised/harmed by The Sperm.

Forum

Last week I took my spoilt daughter to Heach Pee centre for repairs. They refused to repair her! For no good reason at all! They told me, 'Maam, you've got to have the warranty if you want us to repair her.' I think this is really a bad service attitude.

Mdm Gong

Editor's reply: Mdm, I think you really have a problem up there with your head. This certainly has nothing to do with bad attitudes. You really need to go back to your doctor who helped you give birth to get the warranty. If the warranty has expired, just get someone, preferrably a guy, to screw your daughter back in place.

The non-male public toilets are simply not enough. Toilet patrons have to queue all the way from Casueway Point to Casueway. I think one day patrons have to bring their passport along just in case the queue extends to Matsia. However, it is a rare scene when the male toilets starts a queue.
Therefore I suggest that the male toilets make some space for the non-female toilets.

Cao Ah Gua

Editor: it would be more effective if you would get the non-males to do less shopping.

Pros
1. No more frigging toilet problems.

2. Often reported that living standards are going up, the problem actually lies with the living standards of non-males going up, and the male trying their best to fulfil these standards. Less shopping = less money spent = better ability to survive with lower pay.

3. No more crowded shopping malls.

4. Quiet shopping malls.

See the benefits? I hate you fringging gays. Stop complaining or I'll screw your ass.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Rest

Due of a case of leukemia, breasts + skin + lung + stomach + brain + eye + cervix + womb cancer, as well as tuberculosis, high + low blood pressure (sometimes high sometimes low sometimes no blood pressure at all), AIDS, bird flu and SARS, Editor will be taking a break this weekend to recover and bring you more shit for you to eat next week.

P.S. One day at most shit once, only 5 lucky winners will get to eat my shit.